


He… Actually, let’s face it, it really doesn’t matter. So that’s okay.Īnyway, one of these Primes decided he didn’t like humans and wanted to blow up our sun, but the other Primes defeated him, after which point he was forever known as ‘The Fallen’. These Primes used to travel around the universe blowing up suns to power their transforming batteries (and you thought humans weren’t eco-friendly), but only if the planets near that sun weren’t inhabited. It turns out that there’s a kind of proto-race of Transformers called the Primes. Meanwhile, the US military’s top secret Special Ops team (you know, the one with the other giant transforming aliens) is coming under pressure from an increasing amount of enemy activity, and increasing scrutiny from those meddlesome bean-counters in the US government. He’s seeing weird alien signs in front of his eyes, and he’s being stalked by a suspiciously attractive dead-eyed fembot.
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And honestly, in those hotpants, you wouldn’t bet against it working.īut things go awry when Sam starts freaking out in the middle of an astronomy class. He’s about to head for college, leaving a 40-foot high metal alien in his toolshed, and a smoking hot girlfriend in her garage where, apparently, her favoured way of fixing motorbikes is to dry hump the shit out of them until they splutter into life. Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) is all grown up. But when the spectacle wears off, it’s a long, long fall back down to earth. There are times when the screen is so overwhelmed with kinetic, adolescent energy that the effect is a kind of Zen moment of assaulted transcendence. It’s a frenzy of sound and fury that takes Michael Bay’s frame-fucking ‘vision’ to its final, eye-boggling extreme. Taken (tentatively) on its own terms, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen probably represents some sort of masterpiece.
